Lessons from Parenting - "Mommy won't let you starve"

I have come to realize the great spiritual lessons that can come from being a parent. Once such lesson is in God's provision. As many of you know, Hannah LOVES food! Stopping in the middle of a bottle to burp her is like the end of the world to her (which, thankfully, we can now wait until the end of the bottle to burp her!). As soon as the bottle comes out, she screams! I found myself reassuring her that "Mommy will not let you starve." That's when it hit me. As much as I love and care for Hannah and want nothing but the best for her, that's what God wants for me, but all the more!

I, in my sinful nature, am prone to worry. Recently, I have been worrying about what our financial situation is going to be in the next few months. However, just as I won't let Hannah starve, God won't let me starve. That is not to say that God will not allow me to struggle financially and that He's going to provide great fiscal wealth, but He will meet my basic needs. It may mean eating nothing but Ramen and beans and rice for a while, but even those are a gift from the Lord!

Instead of being anxious and worrying about our future, I need to "store up treasures in heaven" (Matthew 6:19-21). When I have an eternal focus, the worries and anxieties of this world will diminish as I learn to trust in the Lord. Following the passage in Matthew 6, instructing us to store up heavenly treasures instead of earthly treasures, we are instructed not to be anxious about our physical needs (Matt. 6:25-33). I must be diligent in seeking after Christ and His kingdom rather than worrying about how much money we have in our savings account or what bills we have. While I am responsible to be a good steward of those things, they should not consume my thoughts. This is comforting as James and I move forward in the next couple of weeks.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be knowns to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:4-8

On another note, I have been learning more about being a mommy of a sick baby. Last week Hannah had a cold and we were both up most of the night for a couple of nights. With little sleep, my immune system gave in, and I ended up getting a cold as well. God was gracious and we both managed to get through it. However, while Hannah was eating her lunch today, her tummy decided it didn't want it anymore, so it all came back up. She drank her bottle and I was trying to feed her some veggies, which she normally loves and gobbles right up. I should've known something was up when she wouldn't open her mouth for the veggies. I guess it's just the ignorance of a new mom! After she got rid of her lunch, she seemed to act normal and was happy as can be! I'm hoping to be able to give her a little bit of formula later on and that she'll be able to keep it down, so she doesn't end up getting dehydrated.

I Can't Buy God's Favor

I've been wanting to let you all know what the Lord has been teaching us, particularly myself, over the past few months, and since Hannah is sleeping, one load of laundry is folded and put away and another is the dryer, the bathrooms are clean, dinner's in the crockpot, and the house is dusted, I figured when will I ever have this opportunity again? :) So here it goes!

It all started when Hannah was born. I had everything planned out. I would deliver Hannah , go home from the hospital, and begin caring for my little baby, my husband and my home. All my plans were thrown out the window when the doctor came in after 20-something hours of labor and said, "We need to do a C-section." I just wanted to burst out in tears and say, I'll push harder. However, as we later found out, the problem was with the size of my body, not with how hard I was pushing. There was nothing I could have done to avoid the C-section. For a few months following Hannah's birth (I admit, even sometimes still), I look at other women who were able to deliver their babies naturally and I think, "Lord, why couldn't I do that? Why did I have to go through so much pain and suffering?" I feel like I missed out on something by not being able to deliver my baby myself. I mean, God designed babies to come out through the labor process, not through surgery, right?

This was just the beginning of my long road of learning because God brought several more trials into my life. I ended up back in the hospital in excruciating pain just two days after being released from the hospital. Again, I questioned, "God, why me?" As if having a C-section wasn't bad enough, now I had to be back in the hospital away from James and my new born baby. I tried to keep a positive outlook on the situation, but deep down inside I was hurting and angry. I felt like I was being cheated - like I missed out on the first month of my baby's life - time that I would never get back. It just wasn't fair, or so I thought. As the days progressed, things got worse and I wondered if I would make it through. I was thankful for my dear husband and family who made numerous sacrifices to be with me as much as possible and take care of me. The church body (not just our local church, but the whole Church) was such an encouragement to me as well. I kept hearing of different people who were praying for us - even people we had never even met and who live thousands of miles away. It was quite overwhelming. However, I continued to wallow in my self-pity.

I was again released from the hospital (long story) and just wasn't getting any better, so we decided I should live with my parents for a few weeks until I was well enough to care for myself and Hannah. When I got up to my parents' house, I discovered I had to go back to the hospital for an emergency surgery, and I was terrified. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I was left with no other choice but to trust God - everything else had been stripped away it seemed, and I realized that I had no control over my life. As my mom and I drove from the doctor's office to the hospital, I was hit with this realization. God had orchestrated every moment of this situation and He had allowed me to go through this suffering. This left me with nothing to do but pray all the way to the hospital. I actually had a strange peace that resulted from knowing God was in control of the situation as I gave everything over to Him.

Fast forward to now. James and I have been reading through Holiness by Grace by Bryan Chapell. The following quote from the book struck me:

Despite the teaching of Scripture, I am at times no less troubled than Christ's disciples were with God's determination to resist human efforts to purchase his love. I want to believe that God must be good to the organizations I serve, to the family I love, and to the career in which I strive because I have tried to be good. Such reasoning abandons me, however, when I honestly compare my righteousness to Christ's standards.

When I face the reality of the inadequacy of my works to merit God's favor, then I recognize that I must depend on his goodness and not mine. At times this dependence is scary because it lifts control from me, but there is no other choice when I recognize the true character of my good works. According to Scripture even my best works are only 'filthy rags' (Isa. 64:6). There is too much of human imperfection and mixed motives in my best deeds to have them obligate God to do as I wish.

Wow! That is where I was - questioning why I, one of God's children, who strove to serve and honor Him, was being put through all of this physical and emotional pain. As I read this quote, I realized that this is what I thought I deserved at the time - I was a "good" person, so why was God "punishing" me like this? I actually thought I could purchase His love! God was reminding me once again that even my best is not worthy of His redemption. It is only through Christ's righteousness that I am viewed as holy. I am a sinner, worthy of nothing but hell, yet God sent His Son to die for me and redeem me from eternal separation from Him! Any trials I endure here on earth are nothing in comparison to the eternal damnation that I deserve. Which leaves me thinking that this trial really wasn't so bad after all, was it? God is good and and used this time to teach me more about His love, care, and provision. Don't get me wrong, it was the most difficult thing I have ever endured - God never promised our life would be easy - but it was an opportunity for me to "count it all joy."

Blog Under Construction

So we realize our blog hasn't been updated in quite some time and the name, "Life in a Shoebox" isn't really relevant anymore. Don't worry, we're working on that. If you're interested in seeing the most recent pictures of us and the adorable Hannah Grace, you can check them out on Kimiko's Facebook page.

More Pictures from the Trip

Here are some more pictures from our trip to Northern California.

James and Koda

Doing his best Popeye impersonation (notice James in the background with the 3-D glasses on!)
Faith, on an egg hunt in the backyard.
Titus

Grace
Apparently Keanna found a very interesting Rolly Polly on the ground.

These babies are usually pretty content, but they still have their moments...and they're just so cute, so I had to take pictures. Koda is above and Lukas is below.

Eating a yummy birthday Sundae!A water fight broke out in the backyard, so Titus had to wear a "big person" shirt while his clothes dried. :)Kristin's getting her fix.Hey! You look kind of familiar!!!So happy to be with Uncle James!!!

More "After" pictures

As I was having a few technical difficulties posting pictures last time, I didn't finish with the "after" photos. Here they are:





And a picture from our trip up North. Here's James, holding Koda. More pictures to follow...

Some Pictures for Your Viewing Pleasure

Before the paint and new carpet:

2 Crazy Parker brothers in the process of painting:
With paint and new carpet!

Crazy Life

We've been crazy busy the last few weeks. For those of you who don't know, we recently bought a condo, so have been going to work all day, going to the condo, cleaning and painting until some crazy hour of the night or morning, then starting all over again the next day. :) The painting is pretty much all done, and we had new carpet installed. Last Saturday, we finally moved in. Tonight I was able to start unpacking some of our boxes and I feel that I've actually made a small dent in the process, which is motivating to keep on going!!! Tomorrow morning I will be going garage sale-ing, as one of the HOA's down the street is having their community garage sale. Hopefully I'll be able to find some much-needed furniture at some good deals. Anyway, hopefully I'll be able to keep you all updated and post some pictures of our new place!