What My 6-Month-Old Is Teaching Me about God's Love

It's amazing how much marriage has taught me about Christ's relationship with the Church (not to mention how much sin in my life marriage has revealed :) ). Adding another factor into the equation - a baby - just magnifies these lessons even more! Just as He uses marriage as an analogy for His relationship with us, the parent/child relationship also teaches us much. There is definitely a reason why God is our Heavenly Father who calls us His children.Because our minds are incapable of fully understanding and comprehending such a great God (just as we learned about God's incomprehensibility in church a few weeks ago), these analogies are useful for us to understand, in part, Who God is. Today I was thinking about how much being a mom has taught me about the love of God. Hannah is incapable of offering me anything. She can't provide any services, she can't produce any goods. In fact, not only can she not provide anything, but she demands my attention, time, energy, etc. When speaking of give and take, I, as her parent, am doing all the giving and she is doing all the taking (of course, I do get great joy from her smiles and giggles, but I think you know what I'm getting at). Even though she really has nothing to offer me at this point in her life, the love I have for her is beyond words - I cannot express it. She has not, nor can she do, anything to earn my love. Just as she cannot earn my love, I cannot earn God's love, yet He continues to love and care for me. God is perfect in every way and there is nothing that I can do that will improve Him or add to Him in any way. This should result in an outpouring of love toward Him. How do I love Him? By obeying His commands. My obedience should not be a result of anything other than a response to His sacrificial, undying love for me. Knowing that I cannot add anything to God takes any desire to please God or to earn favor or merit from Him, because I can't.

Taking it a step further, I still love my daughter just the same when she's cranky and fussy. While I may not enjoy these times quite as much as when she's happy and content, I still love her just the same. Similarly, even when I'm sinning, God still loves me. This isn't an excuse to sin more (Romans 5:6-11; 6:1-2). I'm a wretched sinner - even my "good" works are filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6). However, even in my sinfulness, He sent His Son as the ultimate sacrifice to cover and atone for my sins (Ephesians 2:1-10). That should be my motivation for loving, serving, and obeying Him.

How Deep the Father's Love For Us
How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed, I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

©1995 Kingsway's Thankyou Music
Words and Music by Stuart Townend

What Are My Actions REALLY Saying about My Belief in the Sovereignty of God?

God's sovereignty is one of those things that is easy to practice in word, but not in deed. God has made this evident in my life recently. I find myself blaming others or circumstances for my situation. There are two particular instances that God has really used to show me this. The first was with all of my postpartum complications. It is so easy (and natural, unfortunately) to blame the doctor and the health care system for all of my problems - they should have done this, they did this wrong, etc. And, yes, while they are responsible for their actions, as we all are, God is the one who placed those people in my care. God is the one who allowed that doctor to become a doctor. He allowed that particular doctor to be there on the day Hannah was born. He allowed everything to take place.

The second instance is with James finding a new job. He had been working with recruiters at a specific bank to find a new job. He applied for a couple of positions, along with some of his coworkers. While his coworkers were being called for interviews and receiving job offers, James' applications resulted in nothing. I found myself asking, "Why is his recruiter not doing anything for him? Why isn't the bank calling him? He's one of the top performers in his district. Why are they choosing his coworkers over him?" Then one day it hit me - God is orchestrating everything that takes place, including what this bank does or doesn't do, and obviously this is not what God has in store for our family - at least not yet. While it may not make any sense in my finite mind, God is omniscient and already has it all planned out. He is telling us to be patient and to wait upon Him and His perfect timing and to trust Him in the meantime. When I really think about it, I'm thankful that God is orchestrating James' job situation, because I know that what He has in store for us will be the best thing possible for us, whether it seems like it or not at the time. As I look back over the past few years, I can definitely see how God has taken care of our family and provided for our needs. I pray that as time goes on, I will continue to trust the Lord and realize that His plans, even in the uncertainty of it all, are truly the best for me and our family as a whole.

Ring by Spring

I stumbled upon this on YouTube and thought it was too funny! Ring by spring or your money back!

A Random Tidbit of Information Learned from a 4-Year-Old

What is wrong with this picture?



The other day my sister was telling me about how Keanna got in a discussion with some of the boys in her class about whether or not there were dinosaurs on the ark. Keanna insisted that there were, but the boys argued that there were not. I guess when we think of the ark, we typically do not think of dinosaurs. I asked my sister, "Well, were there dinosaurs on the ark?" She informed me that there most likely would have been dinosaurs on the ark. In Genesis 6, God commands Noah, "of every living thing of flesh, you shall bring two of every sort into the ark to keep them alive with you." There are no exceptions as to what types of animals Noah should bring with him. Additionally, when we look at dinosaur fossils, the only logical explanation for them would be some major catastrophe, such as the Flood. If this is the case, this would indicate that they would have still been in existence at the time of the Flood and therefore, would have been on the ark. Hmmm...I guess I had never thought through that before, but it makes sense. So the next time someone asks you if there were dinosaurs on the ark, you can say that there most likely were. :) Oh, and after this discussion, Keanna went home and asked Robbie if he could tell the boys in his class that there were dinosaurs on the ark, so tomorrow, he'll be doing a presentation on dinosaurs for her preschool class. :)

Lessons from Parenting - "Mommy won't let you starve"

I have come to realize the great spiritual lessons that can come from being a parent. Once such lesson is in God's provision. As many of you know, Hannah LOVES food! Stopping in the middle of a bottle to burp her is like the end of the world to her (which, thankfully, we can now wait until the end of the bottle to burp her!). As soon as the bottle comes out, she screams! I found myself reassuring her that "Mommy will not let you starve." That's when it hit me. As much as I love and care for Hannah and want nothing but the best for her, that's what God wants for me, but all the more!

I, in my sinful nature, am prone to worry. Recently, I have been worrying about what our financial situation is going to be in the next few months. However, just as I won't let Hannah starve, God won't let me starve. That is not to say that God will not allow me to struggle financially and that He's going to provide great fiscal wealth, but He will meet my basic needs. It may mean eating nothing but Ramen and beans and rice for a while, but even those are a gift from the Lord!

Instead of being anxious and worrying about our future, I need to "store up treasures in heaven" (Matthew 6:19-21). When I have an eternal focus, the worries and anxieties of this world will diminish as I learn to trust in the Lord. Following the passage in Matthew 6, instructing us to store up heavenly treasures instead of earthly treasures, we are instructed not to be anxious about our physical needs (Matt. 6:25-33). I must be diligent in seeking after Christ and His kingdom rather than worrying about how much money we have in our savings account or what bills we have. While I am responsible to be a good steward of those things, they should not consume my thoughts. This is comforting as James and I move forward in the next couple of weeks.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be knowns to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:4-8

On another note, I have been learning more about being a mommy of a sick baby. Last week Hannah had a cold and we were both up most of the night for a couple of nights. With little sleep, my immune system gave in, and I ended up getting a cold as well. God was gracious and we both managed to get through it. However, while Hannah was eating her lunch today, her tummy decided it didn't want it anymore, so it all came back up. She drank her bottle and I was trying to feed her some veggies, which she normally loves and gobbles right up. I should've known something was up when she wouldn't open her mouth for the veggies. I guess it's just the ignorance of a new mom! After she got rid of her lunch, she seemed to act normal and was happy as can be! I'm hoping to be able to give her a little bit of formula later on and that she'll be able to keep it down, so she doesn't end up getting dehydrated.

I Can't Buy God's Favor

I've been wanting to let you all know what the Lord has been teaching us, particularly myself, over the past few months, and since Hannah is sleeping, one load of laundry is folded and put away and another is the dryer, the bathrooms are clean, dinner's in the crockpot, and the house is dusted, I figured when will I ever have this opportunity again? :) So here it goes!

It all started when Hannah was born. I had everything planned out. I would deliver Hannah , go home from the hospital, and begin caring for my little baby, my husband and my home. All my plans were thrown out the window when the doctor came in after 20-something hours of labor and said, "We need to do a C-section." I just wanted to burst out in tears and say, I'll push harder. However, as we later found out, the problem was with the size of my body, not with how hard I was pushing. There was nothing I could have done to avoid the C-section. For a few months following Hannah's birth (I admit, even sometimes still), I look at other women who were able to deliver their babies naturally and I think, "Lord, why couldn't I do that? Why did I have to go through so much pain and suffering?" I feel like I missed out on something by not being able to deliver my baby myself. I mean, God designed babies to come out through the labor process, not through surgery, right?

This was just the beginning of my long road of learning because God brought several more trials into my life. I ended up back in the hospital in excruciating pain just two days after being released from the hospital. Again, I questioned, "God, why me?" As if having a C-section wasn't bad enough, now I had to be back in the hospital away from James and my new born baby. I tried to keep a positive outlook on the situation, but deep down inside I was hurting and angry. I felt like I was being cheated - like I missed out on the first month of my baby's life - time that I would never get back. It just wasn't fair, or so I thought. As the days progressed, things got worse and I wondered if I would make it through. I was thankful for my dear husband and family who made numerous sacrifices to be with me as much as possible and take care of me. The church body (not just our local church, but the whole Church) was such an encouragement to me as well. I kept hearing of different people who were praying for us - even people we had never even met and who live thousands of miles away. It was quite overwhelming. However, I continued to wallow in my self-pity.

I was again released from the hospital (long story) and just wasn't getting any better, so we decided I should live with my parents for a few weeks until I was well enough to care for myself and Hannah. When I got up to my parents' house, I discovered I had to go back to the hospital for an emergency surgery, and I was terrified. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. I was left with no other choice but to trust God - everything else had been stripped away it seemed, and I realized that I had no control over my life. As my mom and I drove from the doctor's office to the hospital, I was hit with this realization. God had orchestrated every moment of this situation and He had allowed me to go through this suffering. This left me with nothing to do but pray all the way to the hospital. I actually had a strange peace that resulted from knowing God was in control of the situation as I gave everything over to Him.

Fast forward to now. James and I have been reading through Holiness by Grace by Bryan Chapell. The following quote from the book struck me:

Despite the teaching of Scripture, I am at times no less troubled than Christ's disciples were with God's determination to resist human efforts to purchase his love. I want to believe that God must be good to the organizations I serve, to the family I love, and to the career in which I strive because I have tried to be good. Such reasoning abandons me, however, when I honestly compare my righteousness to Christ's standards.

When I face the reality of the inadequacy of my works to merit God's favor, then I recognize that I must depend on his goodness and not mine. At times this dependence is scary because it lifts control from me, but there is no other choice when I recognize the true character of my good works. According to Scripture even my best works are only 'filthy rags' (Isa. 64:6). There is too much of human imperfection and mixed motives in my best deeds to have them obligate God to do as I wish.

Wow! That is where I was - questioning why I, one of God's children, who strove to serve and honor Him, was being put through all of this physical and emotional pain. As I read this quote, I realized that this is what I thought I deserved at the time - I was a "good" person, so why was God "punishing" me like this? I actually thought I could purchase His love! God was reminding me once again that even my best is not worthy of His redemption. It is only through Christ's righteousness that I am viewed as holy. I am a sinner, worthy of nothing but hell, yet God sent His Son to die for me and redeem me from eternal separation from Him! Any trials I endure here on earth are nothing in comparison to the eternal damnation that I deserve. Which leaves me thinking that this trial really wasn't so bad after all, was it? God is good and and used this time to teach me more about His love, care, and provision. Don't get me wrong, it was the most difficult thing I have ever endured - God never promised our life would be easy - but it was an opportunity for me to "count it all joy."

Blog Under Construction

So we realize our blog hasn't been updated in quite some time and the name, "Life in a Shoebox" isn't really relevant anymore. Don't worry, we're working on that. If you're interested in seeing the most recent pictures of us and the adorable Hannah Grace, you can check them out on Kimiko's Facebook page.